20 Jul I’ve Decided
This decision wasn’t made lightly.
When it happened, it was more of a blurted thought—but only in my head.
It came in the middle of a move—physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Between packing boxes and closing chapters, I had to ask myself:
Am I living for myself—or for everyone else?
Questions like that have echoed in my mind for years… but somehow, I always found a way to quiet them.
To brush them off.
To keep moving without answering.
I’ve been going back and forth with school—enrolling, dropping out, saying, “Next semester!” or “Yeah, I’ll be back.”
And part of me meant it. I love to learn. I’ve enjoyed the classes I’ve taken. But what I didn’t love was the quiet pressure that came with it.
That unspoken message that if I’m not in school—or if I don’t finish within a certain timeline—I’m somehow behind. A failure.
So when I was asked again, “What about school?”
I responded honestly—maybe for the first time in my life: “I want to build what God put inside of me. I feel like I’ve been doing school for others and not for myself. It’s not out of the picture, but it was part of my people-pleasing habits— and I don’t want to live for others anymore.”
And I meant that. Deeply.
This year, I’ve decided to pause school and pursue writing full force. (Unheard of, right?) But I’m going to take everything I’ve learned—through life, faith, and hardship—and pour it into the pages.
The ‘sureness’ my decision is making me nervous (I’m not gonna lie), but I feel a great peace about it within my spirit— and that peace tells me I’m headed in the right direction.
Not because I’ve given up on school—because I will finish.
But because I’ve finally stopped giving in to people-pleasing. And even if it’s not about pleasing others, I want to chase what actually makes me happy.
And right now? Reading from a textbook versus learning through workshops, experience, and prayer just isn’t the move.
It’s not my season for that.
(This is a decision I wish I made years ago.)
But I’m grateful for everything I’ve learned up to this point— because now I get to encourage other creatives to pursue their own, very attainable goals.
No more delay.
No more fear.
No more waiting for permission.
Now, what about you?
I’m in no way encouraging you to drop out— if you’re on a God-ordained track to finish, run your race and grab that degree!
But for those of you who find yourselves on the same path I’m walking…
What will YOU do?
As you assess your life from five years ago until this present day, what will YOU do differently?
Will you keep choosing comfort over calling?
Pressure over purpose?
You don’t have to answer this now… but I do hope this message gave you permission to think about it.
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